The Death Gods
by The Silver Nerd
Summary: What happens when drunk Rangiku, Hitsugaya and Renji start a bet to see which Association, Women's or Men's, can make the other more lovestruck? It becomes hella fun when three new Shinigami, Arrancar attacks, and lotsa drama arise!


Summary: When drunk Rangiku, Hitsugaya and Renji start a bet that includes most of Soul Society. This bet is to see which Association (Women's or Men's) can make the other more lovestruck? It becomes hella fun when three new Shinigami, Arrancar attacks, and lots of drama enter the picture.

Chapter One: Association of Lady Shinigami

(Mood Music: Hot Mess- Cobra Starship)

Rangiku Matsumoto- blonde, hung-over, and furious. She stormed into the assembly hall, with its ebony pillars and long oak table in the center of the room.

"Thanks for coming, ladies!" she barked. "To the first meeting of the Association of Lady Shinigami."

Rangiku's grey eyes scanned the room. A roomful of amused faces looked back at her.

"We gather here for two reasons - the first is to celebrate our three new Shinigami. Rhiannon Omori-san, Willa Isuke-san, and Momoko Hasagawa-san."

Three teenagers garbed in the traditional black kimono of Shinigami stood up and bowed respectfully. Rhiannon was a strawberry-blonde with brown eyes, a never-absent grin, and a look of perversion about her. Willa's first impression was that of a fighter, with short red hair, stormy eyes, and a chipped front tooth (presumably a token of battle). Momoko seemed to love life, but at the same time had an aura of patient wisdom- she had black hair with a yellow highlight and watchful black eyes.

"Hai," The three acknowledged the group.

"Hai," Rangiku replied. "And the other reason is to tell you about a bet made with the newly formed men's division." Rangiku seemed not to have a tad of guilt on her mind.

"Oh, Rangi-san? Do tell." said Yachiru.

*flashback*

_Rangiku sits in a room and fills a mug with sake. Hitsugaya enters the room._

_ "Whitey-chan! Be my drinking buddy." Rangiku said upon seeing Hitsugaya._

_ "Tea, Rangiku," Hitsugaya plops himself down on a purple pouf._

_ "Of course, Whitey!" Rangiku smiles and gets to work on grating the ginger. "So what brings you here?"_

_ Hitsugaya looks at his Vice-Captain annoyedly. "I was bored, okay?"_

_ Rangiku adds the ginger to a mix of spices and starts boiling water._

_ Rangiku pouts. "You're so mean, taichou."_

_ Renji enters the room. "Saturday night, Rangiku! Hit me with some sake."_

_ Rangiku laughs and hugs Renji. "Hai. But first I have to make __**tea**__ for taichou." She puts the mix of spices into the boiling water._

_ Renji smiles. "__**Tea**__."_

_ Rangiku turns around and starts straining the __**tea**__. She pours it in a blue porcelain mug and places it in front of Hitsugaya. Renji slyly takes out a bottle marked "Mistflower __Vodka __Extract" and pours the contents into the mug. Hitsugaya stares suspiciously at them both. They smile innocently back. "Why aren't you drinking, taichou?" Rangiku is pouting._

_ Hitsugaya shrugs and takes a long draught. "Renji."_

_ "Hai?" replies Renji._

_ "You spiked it, teme."_

_ Renji and Rangiku laugh evilly and envelop Hitsugaya in a group hug. There is a moment of silence and then Hitsugaya says, "Gimme another shot."_

_~*~_

_ "Ah, man! You seen those chicks just graduated from the Academy?" Renji asks, a wide smile on his face._

_ "Yeah, dude. The Willa chick is joining 11th Squad, right?" Rangiku asks, imitating Renji. She bursts into laughter upon finishing._

_ "Yes!" Renji sighs like a thirsty man after a long swig of water. "Momoko's joining 5th Squad and Rhiannon's joining 4th Squad."_

_ A blush rises to Hitsugaya's cheeks. "No way, dude! Momoko's joining 5th Squad? Score!" The drunken Shinigami giggled uncharacteristically._

_ Renji giggles too. Then he frowns deeply and whacks Hitsugaya on the back of the head. "Momoko's a fag! It's Willa for me."_

_ "Willa and Renji sitting in a tree, F,U,C-" Hitsugaya starts._

_ Rangiku stands up, knocking the sake table over. "Uruusai! You're wronging these virgin blossoms that are women by talkering like this." She hiccups and falls over, unsteady on her feet. "I'm so gladful I'm not a man. Otherwise I would be just a useless lump of testosterone like the two of you. No offense."_

_ "You biiitchh! Shut up and stop being Mother Teresa, man!" Renji said._

_ "At least we're not girls, right, bro? Girls live for cheating on men!" Hitsugaya declared. _

_ If this were a crappy American cartoon, a light bulb would have appeared over Rangiku's head. But no, this is a cultured, cleverly written anime._

_ "Is that right? Let's make a bet. We will divide the Shinigamis by genderrish and keep true-to-life journals about what you feel towards the other side that day. Every feeling that is slightly romanticalish gives a point to the other teamy-thing. The objective is to get to most points for your side in... The span of a yeeaarrr." Rangiku beats her chest and lets out a belch._

_ Hitsugaya and Renji spit on their hands and held them out. "Deal!"_

*flashback over*

"RANGIKU!" Kuukaku Shiba growled. "What the fuck were you thinking?

"I wasn't thinking!" Rangiku replied.

"I can't even do this, Rangi-chan, I'm seven years old!" Yachiru added.

"No excuses! You're gonna use all your womanly charms and make the men feel the love." Rangiku said. "This is war."

Hitsugaya entered the room, followed by Renji and the entire men's division following him. "This _is_ war, Rangiku-san. I've informed the men's division about the bet. A certain number will not be participating in the bet." Hitsugaya took out a scroll and started reading with a cold, sharp voice. "Tsukabishi Tessai, Yamamoto-taichou, Sasabike Chojiro, Omaeda Marechiyo, Komamura-taichou, Iba Tetsuzaemon, Kenpachi-taichou, and Kurotsuchi-taichou,"

"Yeah, Hitsugaya-teme? Well, Yachiru isn't participating on the women's side." said Rangiku.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, a cold gaze against a furious one.

"Fine." Hitsugaya turned on his heel.

"Fine!" Rangiku yelled to his retreating back.

Yoruichi jumped onto Rangiku without warning and gritted through her teeth, "_You-didn't-even-ask-any-of-us_,"

"Yoruichi-senpai!" Rhiannon exclaimed.

The whole room looked at Rhiannon. She turned a delicate shade of raspberry and continued, "This seems like fun- should we give it a try?"

~*~

Word Glossary:

Shinigami - Death god

-san - polite honorific for someone you don't know well

sake - alcoholic drink

-chan - friendly honorific for someone you've known for a bit

taichou - captain

teme - (can be used as honorific) bastard

hai - (can be used as greeting) yes

-senpai - respectful honorific for someone who you look up to or is higher than you in rank

uruusai- shut up

~*~

A/N: Not in the slightest serious, but I still 3 reviews! Love you all!


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